The cruise was amazing! It was better then i thought it ever could be. I didn't bring my scale and i have skipped the last 2 weigh ins. I could not find a good spot to pack it and was to stress all the movement it would go through would mess up the insides. I didn't weigh when i got back due to extreme swelling...my poor ankles! I did exercise while away and the 3 days we were off the boat we walked, walked, walked, and walked some more. LOL Food was free anytime and anywhere. We did eat alot, but thankfully they had small portions...we just ate alot of them together. LoL All and all i feel good about it on the health front. I tried snails, lamb, and mussels for the first time. We also had lobster tail 2 nights on the ship. Mmmmmm!
Sadly since we have been back there has been alot of fast food, soda, and little exercise. I totally brought the relaxation home with me and since we haven't gone grocery shopping yet there is not much at the house to choose from. That will be solved this weekend. Not only has Lewis finally decided to loose weight with me, but the less we spend out now the more we can save for our next cruise. HeeHee We really want to go on a western Caribbean one that sails from November 3-10. Liza's dad and partner are going and sissy and Liza may go as well. Talk about a great get away with all of us on board!
Back to the health front though. I'm so tired of starting over and making new plans, but it is what it is. I don't think i deserve my chip this month. Yeah i did ok on the cruise, but i still ate when i shouldn't have and have just been horrible since i got home. Not chip worthy. Like i said above though after the cruise Lewis finally said he was ready to really loose weight. After seeing how many clothes he can't fit into in our closet now...really shook him up. He has even decided to give up soda. Crazy! But good! We start our weigh ins again on April 1st. Whoever loses the most weight each week gets to pick a movie to either rent, watch on netflix, or go see in theaters. He liked that idea. lol Also, for every pound off $1 goes into vaca fund. Aka next cruise fund. HaHa My goal is to be at baby making weight by my birthday next year: 160. It would be amazing to be at my goal weight, 140, but i don't want to push to much. Slow and steady wins the race! Just need to keep repeating that and keep strong. The ultimate gift to myself next year on my birthday would be the Southern Caribbean cruise i found that is 11 days long. :Sigh: Sounds like heaven to me! What better way to celebrate?! :D
I was giving up making an end date, but that has just lead me to make excuses. If you have nothing to work towards why worry when you flop. Now i have a deadline and possibly an amazing get away to work towards. As you can see....the cruise life has totally pushed the baby making ideas out a little bit. I wouldn't to try in January, but i don't think me nor Lewis will be ready. My body sure wont be ready. I think i shall go back to my old plans of getting my spring baby. My pills end next March. That gives me April, May, and June for my body to regulate without the pills. June we can start really trying and if everything works otay we shall have our little spring bundle. :D
I can finally say i love myself as i am right now. This cruise really helped me. This is the biggest i have ever been and i still had a wonderful vacation. Weight does not define your life! It's not healthy, but it's not who you are or what your life has to revolve around. I'm ready to get this fat off and love the slim, healthy me even more. The next cruise...i shall be one hot Summah! ;D
MY PERSONAL JOURNEY OUT OF THE DARKNESS
Friday, March 29, 2013
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Cruise Plans
We will be gone from March 15th to March 24th. 10 wonderful days away from reality! I want to have a blast, but i also do not want this time away to ruin my rehab. Here's some plans:
1: Exercise everyday. The ship has like 3 different pools and a workout room. My plan is to get up every morning, exercise, shower, and get ready for the day. I would love to get in a hour every day, but as long as i get 30 minutes in I'll be happy.
2: Weigh. Just because i am away does not mean i can't keep up with my weigh ins. I'm going to pack my scale cushioned in a blanket. There is probably a scale some where on that ship, but i want my weight to be accurate. Every scale will read something different. Now, if i knew it would read a little less....would not mind that at all. ;D
3. Bring calendar and smiley face stickers. It's what i use at home to help push and record my exercising and i don't think leaving them at home would be that helpful. Knowing i still have to put my sticker on will be a good push to still stay active while away.
4. Bring one poker chip with me. I'm going to put it beside our bed. I want to wake up every day and see it. I want to be reminded what I'm fighting for and what's really important. The cruise is amazing, but my future health and mind set is top priority.
5. Stick with devotionals and prayer. Again, just because I'm escaping from reality doesn't mean i can forget the good parts. My devotionals are helping me so much right now and i do not want to be over a week behind while away on this cruise. I want to still make time every night, or the morning, to read my devotional and pray. God doesn't take a vacation on us. Why should i take one on him? :D
6. Allowing one day of drinking, St. Patrick's day. May try some drinks on the island, but nothing over board. Probably won't even drink that much on St. Patrick's, but I'm giving myself one day if i want it.
7. WATER. Will be bringing me and Lewis refillable water bottles and our calorie free drink mixes. Soda and a special drink will be allowed here and there, but again, nothing over board.
8. Love myself, love how i look, enjoy my time, and make as many memories as possible. AND LOTS OF PICS!
Very excited for this get away, but also excited to survive my first ever vacation without letting myself go crazy. I would love to come back with a pound loss, but the bigger goal is to come back with no gain. Food does not make the vacation. The sites, activities, and good company does. :D
***5 days and 13 hours***
1: Exercise everyday. The ship has like 3 different pools and a workout room. My plan is to get up every morning, exercise, shower, and get ready for the day. I would love to get in a hour every day, but as long as i get 30 minutes in I'll be happy.
2: Weigh. Just because i am away does not mean i can't keep up with my weigh ins. I'm going to pack my scale cushioned in a blanket. There is probably a scale some where on that ship, but i want my weight to be accurate. Every scale will read something different. Now, if i knew it would read a little less....would not mind that at all. ;D
3. Bring calendar and smiley face stickers. It's what i use at home to help push and record my exercising and i don't think leaving them at home would be that helpful. Knowing i still have to put my sticker on will be a good push to still stay active while away.
4. Bring one poker chip with me. I'm going to put it beside our bed. I want to wake up every day and see it. I want to be reminded what I'm fighting for and what's really important. The cruise is amazing, but my future health and mind set is top priority.
5. Stick with devotionals and prayer. Again, just because I'm escaping from reality doesn't mean i can forget the good parts. My devotionals are helping me so much right now and i do not want to be over a week behind while away on this cruise. I want to still make time every night, or the morning, to read my devotional and pray. God doesn't take a vacation on us. Why should i take one on him? :D
6. Allowing one day of drinking, St. Patrick's day. May try some drinks on the island, but nothing over board. Probably won't even drink that much on St. Patrick's, but I'm giving myself one day if i want it.
7. WATER. Will be bringing me and Lewis refillable water bottles and our calorie free drink mixes. Soda and a special drink will be allowed here and there, but again, nothing over board.
8. Love myself, love how i look, enjoy my time, and make as many memories as possible. AND LOTS OF PICS!
Very excited for this get away, but also excited to survive my first ever vacation without letting myself go crazy. I would love to come back with a pound loss, but the bigger goal is to come back with no gain. Food does not make the vacation. The sites, activities, and good company does. :D
***5 days and 13 hours***
Friday, March 8, 2013
Week 1 COMPLETE
Weigh In: 272.4 Loss: 4.4 BMI: 41.4
What a week! I exercised everyday with all my stickers up on the piggy calendar. A day just looks so sad without one of those colorful smiley faces up on it. HaHaHa Pretty proud of the weigh in. I ate out 3 times this week: OKelly's, Italian, and Bojangles. I chose the best things my body and mind could agree on and stayed tough. This week just shows i can still enjoy life and little treats as long as I focus and continue with my exercise. I even had a cupcake at work one day. It was sooooo worth the sugar treat. HA I even got all my devotionals done this week. In the past i haven't been able to find that happy balance of making time for exercise and devotions. I was so concerned about my weight i would let bible reading and studying be pushed to the back burner. I would get to it when i was really down and thought i needed it. After this week, i know i can't continue to live that way. God is not a special tool i can pull out only when i need him. He is always there and i need to praise him during the good and bad. Things i learned this week:
1: Making time for what i seek first...God
2. To stop worrying, God will supply all my needs.
3. Learning to balance my time and glorify him in everything i do.
4. Put my past behind me, carry my cross, and follow Him.
5. Let my light shine no matter where i am or who i am around.
6. Reading verses and praying them in my own words....never heard of this until now. It was a very powerful tool to take God's word and read them to him in prayer. It really makes you think what the verse is really saying and understanding it.
7. Forgive my enemies, people i may have some against or have hurt me. If i can't forgive them, Jesus won't forgive me and my short comings.
It was a powerful week. I was able to 100% forgive Lance and the hurt he caused me the other week. It still hurts if i think about it to much, but i don't have this hatred or the need for revenge like i had then. It is what it is and i can not dwell on it. That was probably the hardest prayer i have prayed in quite sometime. Letting go, forgiving, and sending up a prayer for him. At the same time though, it was so free! I felt like this weight was lifted off my chest and i could finally breath! I want to remember this feeling and use it to fuel me in the future. I know life is not perfect and there will be more people to hurt me or disappoint me. I want to continue down this path to not let them bring me down and for me to not hold hate in my heart. It only tears me down and holds me back. I want to keep praying and learning everyday to seek God first and learn to truly love and care for those around me. I want to let my light shine and bring as many people as i can to his side.
Today starts week #2 and I'm excited to OWN IT! I have another week in my devotional book that will be focusing on prayer. I never thought much about studying the bible for the way to pray, but there is alot more to it then i thought. Already on day one it has me thinking. Can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings.
For a side note...my poker chips came in and they are more amazing then i thought. Can not wait to have that first one in my hands! Ehhhh! Will be bringing one on the cruise to keep near to remind me of what I'm fighting for. :D
What a week! I exercised everyday with all my stickers up on the piggy calendar. A day just looks so sad without one of those colorful smiley faces up on it. HaHaHa Pretty proud of the weigh in. I ate out 3 times this week: OKelly's, Italian, and Bojangles. I chose the best things my body and mind could agree on and stayed tough. This week just shows i can still enjoy life and little treats as long as I focus and continue with my exercise. I even had a cupcake at work one day. It was sooooo worth the sugar treat. HA I even got all my devotionals done this week. In the past i haven't been able to find that happy balance of making time for exercise and devotions. I was so concerned about my weight i would let bible reading and studying be pushed to the back burner. I would get to it when i was really down and thought i needed it. After this week, i know i can't continue to live that way. God is not a special tool i can pull out only when i need him. He is always there and i need to praise him during the good and bad. Things i learned this week:
1: Making time for what i seek first...God
2. To stop worrying, God will supply all my needs.
3. Learning to balance my time and glorify him in everything i do.
4. Put my past behind me, carry my cross, and follow Him.
5. Let my light shine no matter where i am or who i am around.
6. Reading verses and praying them in my own words....never heard of this until now. It was a very powerful tool to take God's word and read them to him in prayer. It really makes you think what the verse is really saying and understanding it.
7. Forgive my enemies, people i may have some against or have hurt me. If i can't forgive them, Jesus won't forgive me and my short comings.
It was a powerful week. I was able to 100% forgive Lance and the hurt he caused me the other week. It still hurts if i think about it to much, but i don't have this hatred or the need for revenge like i had then. It is what it is and i can not dwell on it. That was probably the hardest prayer i have prayed in quite sometime. Letting go, forgiving, and sending up a prayer for him. At the same time though, it was so free! I felt like this weight was lifted off my chest and i could finally breath! I want to remember this feeling and use it to fuel me in the future. I know life is not perfect and there will be more people to hurt me or disappoint me. I want to continue down this path to not let them bring me down and for me to not hold hate in my heart. It only tears me down and holds me back. I want to keep praying and learning everyday to seek God first and learn to truly love and care for those around me. I want to let my light shine and bring as many people as i can to his side.
Today starts week #2 and I'm excited to OWN IT! I have another week in my devotional book that will be focusing on prayer. I never thought much about studying the bible for the way to pray, but there is alot more to it then i thought. Already on day one it has me thinking. Can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings.
For a side note...my poker chips came in and they are more amazing then i thought. Can not wait to have that first one in my hands! Ehhhh! Will be bringing one on the cruise to keep near to remind me of what I'm fighting for. :D
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Love Letter #6
Dear Summer,
Sorry for the delay in this letter. You have almost made it to the week mark and that is awesome! Just one more day to survive and you will have that 1st week under your belt. WhooHoo! You did amazing yesterday eating out as well and getting your snacks in. Each day and each meal out you stay in control makes it easier and easier for those new habits to form and stick. Also a huge pack on the back for staying in control of your mouth yesterday at Blair's. Some people think they know everything and don't want to hear or understand other's views or opinions. Great job for just letting the one yesterday just ramble and ignoring him. Some people are not worth the time or energy. Especially a Fowler...you know that. ;D I know it's hard right now trying to be the bigger person and letting your light shine, but IT WILL GET EASIER. You have been letting yourself be who people think you are for years and not really caring. You lost yourself, but you will find it again. Already in 6 days you have found bits and pieces of her and putting them back together. At the end of year, when you come back and read these entries, you will be amazed how much you have found of yourself and how much you have changed not only in scale numbers, but emotionally and mentally as well. Just continue to do you, do your devotionals, and always keep up the fight. YOU'RE AMAZING! :D
Sorry for the delay in this letter. You have almost made it to the week mark and that is awesome! Just one more day to survive and you will have that 1st week under your belt. WhooHoo! You did amazing yesterday eating out as well and getting your snacks in. Each day and each meal out you stay in control makes it easier and easier for those new habits to form and stick. Also a huge pack on the back for staying in control of your mouth yesterday at Blair's. Some people think they know everything and don't want to hear or understand other's views or opinions. Great job for just letting the one yesterday just ramble and ignoring him. Some people are not worth the time or energy. Especially a Fowler...you know that. ;D I know it's hard right now trying to be the bigger person and letting your light shine, but IT WILL GET EASIER. You have been letting yourself be who people think you are for years and not really caring. You lost yourself, but you will find it again. Already in 6 days you have found bits and pieces of her and putting them back together. At the end of year, when you come back and read these entries, you will be amazed how much you have found of yourself and how much you have changed not only in scale numbers, but emotionally and mentally as well. Just continue to do you, do your devotionals, and always keep up the fight. YOU'RE AMAZING! :D
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Love Letter #5
Dear Summer,
Way to go today enjoying that cup cake at work and not letting it ruin your whole day. I know you came home wanting more sugar, that big bowl of cinnamon toast crunch sounded amazing, but you stayed tough. You got that bike ride and devotional done like a pro. Don't you feel so great?! You should! You are still enjoying life, but not letting it control you. Remember these days as you go along and it will become easier and easier each time. One day...it wont be even a thought to binge on that cookie pack, container of ice cream, or that box of cereal. You will conquer this!
I know your cruise is coming up soon. Enjoy it! Let loose! You may not be at the weight you would like for a cruise, but you are beautiful Summer. The number on the scale does not define you or the type of fun you will have while on this cruise. You got an amazing bathing suit that flatters all your curvy-licous-ness and all you need to complete it is a huge, floppy sun hat. ;D This is a time to enjoy your husband, sissy, and sister-n-law in one of the most beautiful areas of the world. YOU GET TO SWIM WITH A DOLPHIN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Fernando will not care what you weigh, will give you the best time ever, and give ya a wet sloppy kiss. HeeHee Do your makeup and hair everyday and do not leave the mirror until you love what you see and are confident. Confidence is the key! Flaunt that red hair and be your Ariel! ;D
Way to go today enjoying that cup cake at work and not letting it ruin your whole day. I know you came home wanting more sugar, that big bowl of cinnamon toast crunch sounded amazing, but you stayed tough. You got that bike ride and devotional done like a pro. Don't you feel so great?! You should! You are still enjoying life, but not letting it control you. Remember these days as you go along and it will become easier and easier each time. One day...it wont be even a thought to binge on that cookie pack, container of ice cream, or that box of cereal. You will conquer this!
I know your cruise is coming up soon. Enjoy it! Let loose! You may not be at the weight you would like for a cruise, but you are beautiful Summer. The number on the scale does not define you or the type of fun you will have while on this cruise. You got an amazing bathing suit that flatters all your curvy-licous-ness and all you need to complete it is a huge, floppy sun hat. ;D This is a time to enjoy your husband, sissy, and sister-n-law in one of the most beautiful areas of the world. YOU GET TO SWIM WITH A DOLPHIN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Fernando will not care what you weigh, will give you the best time ever, and give ya a wet sloppy kiss. HeeHee Do your makeup and hair everyday and do not leave the mirror until you love what you see and are confident. Confidence is the key! Flaunt that red hair and be your Ariel! ;D
Monday, March 4, 2013
Love Letter #4
Dear Summer,
Great job today coming straight home from work and getting your workouts done today. Your body is defiantly thinking you. You have made it 4 days so far girl! Amazing! I know it's a small number compared to the many ahead of you, but every day complete is a day to celebrate. You have stuck with your exercise, love letters, devotions, and food. In just four short days you have learned alot about yourself. You have been able to forgive someone, face your own excuses, and manage your time. Keep up this amazing work and that chip shall be yours! And by the way...what a great idea to stay motivated. Money was a great idea back in the day, but it was a little to much pressure on you and not always helpful for your bank account. This way you will always have something to show your progress. I really feel you can take this farther in a few years. Summer, you are someone people can look up to and understand. I'm so proud you are letting more people in to your struggles right now, but i think in a few years once you fully conquer your demons...you will be able to share it with the world. I don't know if that will be a book or a website or a local support group, but i do see you using this to help others in the future. Even if you don't spread it that far, i know you will be a wonderful role model for those closest in your life and your future children. Just keep taking each day at a time and come back to these letters when you are having a down day. You are wonderful, beautiful, and full of spirit. Never forget that!
Great job today coming straight home from work and getting your workouts done today. Your body is defiantly thinking you. You have made it 4 days so far girl! Amazing! I know it's a small number compared to the many ahead of you, but every day complete is a day to celebrate. You have stuck with your exercise, love letters, devotions, and food. In just four short days you have learned alot about yourself. You have been able to forgive someone, face your own excuses, and manage your time. Keep up this amazing work and that chip shall be yours! And by the way...what a great idea to stay motivated. Money was a great idea back in the day, but it was a little to much pressure on you and not always helpful for your bank account. This way you will always have something to show your progress. I really feel you can take this farther in a few years. Summer, you are someone people can look up to and understand. I'm so proud you are letting more people in to your struggles right now, but i think in a few years once you fully conquer your demons...you will be able to share it with the world. I don't know if that will be a book or a website or a local support group, but i do see you using this to help others in the future. Even if you don't spread it that far, i know you will be a wonderful role model for those closest in your life and your future children. Just keep taking each day at a time and come back to these letters when you are having a down day. You are wonderful, beautiful, and full of spirit. Never forget that!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Love Letter #3
Dear Summer,
I know you are struggling right now trying to find the energy and motivation to manage your time. Your couch is quite comfy, but do you really need to let it know that constantly. HaHa You have worked hard for what you have and i know your are proud of it all, but i not only want you to show yourself love and respect, but the items you own as well. Alot of women your age are broke, having children, living off the government, or out parting their money away. You girl? You are on time at work every day, never miss, working crazy part time hours, saving money, thinking of your future, and preparing everything for when you are ready to have your own child. You are just amazing! You could teach alot of adults out there about the ways of spending and saving their money. You have been paying off your credit cards while saving and paying for a cruise. You got new tires, brakes, and an alignment for your Honda and paid with cash. You have experienced your own head ache of letting the credit cards take a hold of you, but I'm so proud to see you taking back control of them and doing things only when you have the money yourself to do it. That will get your far in life and save you alot of other head aches down the road. Some times you are stressed about letting money go for certain things, but you never hesitate if someone else needs it. You try to act all tough and not let yourself care for certain people, but in the end if some one needed a meal...you would be there buying it for them. Don't let that side of you slip away. This world is full of people just out for themselves. You are a rare jewel that would help anyone in her life if they needed it. Spread that to others you may not be so close to, not in a way you get walked on, but in a way that let's people see the real you. That you care, you have their back. It does not always have to be money...sometimes someone just needs a good listening ear and you girl...have got 2 great ones and a heart that will take all their pain if they need it. Hang in there and let your love shine through. I know once you can allow yourself to love yourself 100% that love will flow to everyone around you.
I know you are struggling right now trying to find the energy and motivation to manage your time. Your couch is quite comfy, but do you really need to let it know that constantly. HaHa You have worked hard for what you have and i know your are proud of it all, but i not only want you to show yourself love and respect, but the items you own as well. Alot of women your age are broke, having children, living off the government, or out parting their money away. You girl? You are on time at work every day, never miss, working crazy part time hours, saving money, thinking of your future, and preparing everything for when you are ready to have your own child. You are just amazing! You could teach alot of adults out there about the ways of spending and saving their money. You have been paying off your credit cards while saving and paying for a cruise. You got new tires, brakes, and an alignment for your Honda and paid with cash. You have experienced your own head ache of letting the credit cards take a hold of you, but I'm so proud to see you taking back control of them and doing things only when you have the money yourself to do it. That will get your far in life and save you alot of other head aches down the road. Some times you are stressed about letting money go for certain things, but you never hesitate if someone else needs it. You try to act all tough and not let yourself care for certain people, but in the end if some one needed a meal...you would be there buying it for them. Don't let that side of you slip away. This world is full of people just out for themselves. You are a rare jewel that would help anyone in her life if they needed it. Spread that to others you may not be so close to, not in a way you get walked on, but in a way that let's people see the real you. That you care, you have their back. It does not always have to be money...sometimes someone just needs a good listening ear and you girl...have got 2 great ones and a heart that will take all their pain if they need it. Hang in there and let your love shine through. I know once you can allow yourself to love yourself 100% that love will flow to everyone around you.
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