Example A

Last night i just let myself go. I have been hurt by someone i thought was a friend, yet again, and i let food comfort me. That's all i really had. The last week i have seen Lewis possibly a total of 30 minutes. Last night he had to get to bed pretty much after he got home and ate with me due to a early shift the next day. And the little time i had with him...he really wasn't listening to much i was saying. I talked to mom about the issue as well earlier, but she again just wanted to lecture me. I sometimes do need that from her, but right after something happens, i just wanted someone to listen to me and let me rant, cry, or whine. I know I'm not perfect. I know in the past i have caused alot of the issues that have come my way in relationships. I know my mouth gets me into alot of trouble, trouble i probably would have avoided if i had just kept quiet. I'm human though and I'm still trying to fix things one day at a time. I'm not perfect and again, I'm human, i slip, i don't need to be lectured about that every time something goes wrong. :Sigh:

Back to last night. I had emotions of hurt, being alone, anger, confusion, and just plain out sad. I went to Food Lion after work and got me a pack of cookies. I went home, poured me a glass of milk, sank into the couch, and enjoyed my cookies and milk. Lewis may have sucked in the listening and comforting department, but least he agreed to bring me what i knew would help...Little Cesars. I know i should not have ran to food, but March 1st is right around the corner and i just wanted one last day to just allow food to be my comfort. I did feel a little better and actually had no guilt of the food i ate. It was all i had.

Another one bites the dust and another brick is placed on my heart wall. I know better then to allow people in, but he seemed different then the others i worked with and he was my partner, so, i let the guard down. Sadly, he got sucked into the Regional One ass hole group and has changed into this person that i don't recognize. Defiantly not the person that was my partner and the person that went through the crap we had to go through together. I've been through this before, but i was really fooled this time and did not see it coming. It is what it is though and in the next few days i need to figure out what i want to do. Him and his whole family run at our volunteer squad in Blairs and i don't know if i can handle all that. I have a temper and a mouth and even though I'm working on both...i can't promise myself one of them or both will go off there. The whole family has a power issue and if they don't get their way they act like children and throw a fit until they either get their way or they realize that even their last name wont get them what they want. Just ridiculous! I'm just tired of drama and stupid people! Even if i could control my mouth there...i just don't want to be around that environment. I miss my home area...i don't know exactly where i want to live in the area or what job i would like to transfer to even if we decided to move, but i do know I'm just sick and tired of having no support system near me.

I let it ruin my day and today...couldn't even get out of bed. Food has sucked and there has been no exercise. No control what so ever. I'm not letting guilt build and I'm just going to let me pity myself through night shift. Tomorrow it's over. Yeah i lost someone i thought was close, i have issues, i have alot to work on myself, but laying around and letting it eat me up is not going to help at all. Tomorrow will be a new, brighter day. I'll love myself!