Dreams

It's crazy how one dream can set the mood for the rest of your whole day. In the last month I have had 2 dreams where Lewis leaves me. One dream I am in the back of an ambulance where a woman's child aborts and is birthed with her crazy husband in the back screaming its her fault then screaming its his fault for punching her. Last night I had a dream about an old coach. Most dreams I remember bring up memories that are not always bad, but my mind will dwell on them all freakin' day. Constantly replaying things! You should have done this, you shouldn't have done that, what if this happened, what if that didn't happened, this is what actually happened, why are you thinking about this, and on and on and on. It is quite exhausting! Days like today i dwell so much about the past that I get in this funk. I feel down, sad, depressed, tired, regretful, lost, alone, forgotten, worried, and down right blah! I can not wait for some kind of relief....from myself.

Dreams...they can be powerful little moments. So can the process of sleep! I love sleep, but right now it's a battle. Getting to sleep, staying asleep, getting comfortable, having dreams, and not wanting to get up. It doesn't help either that i got black out curtains. No light! It is so peaceful and makes me just want to stay cuddled up in my bed forever! If my brain would 100% shut down during sleep....I'd never want to wake up. Well....at least for a while. The world is just to busy for me right now. I just want warmth, blankie, no light, moisturized air, and peace. Sounds sooooo good right now as I'm sitting here at work trying to survive this last hour.

Happy note...our Christmas Eve and Christmas is tomorrow and Tuesday! My Christmas spirit may be foggy this year, but my 5 year old side is freakin' excited! It's the one day of the year i love to see morning come. :D HoHoHo