Change Is Evil

I'm not very good with change. I'm a home body that loves her every day comfortable routine. I set goals, plans, and ideas that keep me straight on that comfortable routine. Even the random day off with myself, Lewis, my family, or friends i need planned. My anxiety can't handle things out of order. Even changes that should bring happiness freak me out. Smaller body = attention I'm not use to. questions. new clothes. different eating habits. keeping the weight off. A baby = lack of sleep. day car. diapers. different daily routine. added expenses. New house = moving humans and 5 animals. unpacking. where should we live. how much can we afford. will we sell old house and get what it's worth. So on and so forth. My poor brain, i don't know how it survives some days. I'm really shocked it hasn't just up and left me.

And what brings me here talking about all this, RN school. Lewis has finally picked a school he's pretty confident about going to and from what he heard today could most likely start in the Fall of this year. That's exciting, right?! He'll be chasing his dreams, moving on up, making a brighter future for us. The down side...he will have to drop full time work and school will become his full time job. That would be just dandy if you got paid to go to school. Sadly, that's not how the world works right now. Could we make it 2 years with me just working. I mean, he can work during holidays and weekends, but when clinical time hits, it's going to be tough. I don't want this to hurt our marriage. I don't want to burn myself out. I don't want to become spiteful that he is off going to school while I'm breaking my back to make ends meet. I know we can do this! I love Lewis with all my heart and believe he will rock RN school and be the best darn RN ever. It's just surviving those 2 years. He'll be stressing home work and tests. Ill have weight loss, bills, and picking up part time hours.Yay work! I've started off by writing down all the must have bills and working off just what i make. It will be penny pinching, but we can make it. But then i have health insurance to worry about for him. He says he can go without it for 2 years, but i don't like those odds. He has already fell out of an ambulance before and broke his arm on his first day of truck clinicals for his paramedic. His luck....i don't want to think about it. LoL We have 5 furbabies. They need food, heart guard, treats, etc. Then there is the baby plans. I really wanted to start our little family this year, but with me being the #1 bread winner? I don't have time to be pregnant and not being able to work. And even if we did survive that, the expenses of a baby would not fit into the budget with just me working. Sigh...i love the idea having this whole year to focus on my weight and not feel stressed to get it down to a certain number so we can start trying, but i was sooo excited to start this year. It's like getting a gift and right as you are about to open it, it get taken away for a later date. No fun! We could start next year towards the middle of the year and by the time the little one shows up he should be through with RN school and possibly already set up with a new job. Just so much to think about and plan.

BRAIN HURTS! LOL

The next few months will be of saving, saving, and more saving. Going to try to get these credit cards paid off and talk about what expenses we can cut out. We just got comfortable in the financial part and i hate seeing it have to slip away. I LOVE COMFORT! Change, change, change...life would be so simple if we could just snap our fingers and things are done. Snap...RN degree in your hand. Snap...baby in the belly. Snap...new car in the driveway. Snap...dream home built and all set up. Oh how nice that would be. LoL

I'm just going to have to relax, pray alot, and just let God's will be done. There is truly no better support then him. If it's meant to be, it will. I truly believe he never gives us more then we can handle and will get us through these next 2 years if Lewis decides to go. POSITIVE THINKING!